Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize