so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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