Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
