Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
