Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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