I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
