If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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