a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How does it feel to date your dad?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize