I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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