saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Im part way to drunk.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
