So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
