i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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