She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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