what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
