i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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