If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
