I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize