1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
