We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
