something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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