everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
