maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
