So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
