mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
