OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
