Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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