Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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