Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
