I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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