thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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