he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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