I wish I could punch you in the face.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
