Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
