totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
