I think I just saw someone hide a body.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
