I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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