what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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