I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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