apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
