is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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