my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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