I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
