walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
