So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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