I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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