Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
