It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
