If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need a beard to bite.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
