Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
