we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
