wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
