i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize