New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
