i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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