well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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