I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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