it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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