Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
