I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize