I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
