I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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