dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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