so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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