it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
