Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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