I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
