He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize