Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
