Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
