i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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