I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
