im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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