Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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