I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
