Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
