see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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