can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
operation have a gay friend backfired
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
