Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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