Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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