My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize