Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
