I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
