Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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