evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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