remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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