we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
