connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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