please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
