How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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