It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
