i just had sex bonerless
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize