I'll bet she douches with gravy.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
