I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
