don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
