its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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