took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
