i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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