The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
