but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think i got beer on your cat.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
