Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
3 2 1 whiskey
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize