So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
