I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
