She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
And then he peed in my hair
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