dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
