I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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